Going out on any given night leads to interesting opportunities; the foremost on your mind being to find some hottie to either:

• Get her phone number, attempt to call her, and hear “Hello. This is Pizza Hut. What would you like to order?”¹
• Make out with and boost your self-esteem
• Obsess over for a elongated period of time
• Have sex with and truly boost your self-esteem
• Take out on additional dates, marry, have children with, divorce with, and then potentially murder²

Whatever reason you choose is all well and good and should be encouraged, but what about those situations where your friend is the one looking to be Casanova for the evening?

These are the guidelines to follow when you, as termed in “Top Gun”, are the wingman.

Like other blogs on this website, this article is meant to be educational, but tongue-in-cheek. If you have any constructive feedback or additional information to later add to this blog, fair game, but if you’re attempting to be patronizing, save it; no one cares for your negativity.

Do not call your buddy a “pimp”

When chatting up the woman of your pilot’s desire, it is a great idea to give positive feedback about him. Talk about his personality, his job, his life, whatever, but in a positive way. Telling a woman that I am a pimp doesn’t help my cause. A pimp finds and manages clients for prostitutes and engages them in prostitution in order to profit from their earnings; I’m just a guy who gets laid a lot. There is no need to tell her that; she’ll probably figure it out someday on her own anyway.

Save your heavy drinking for “guys nights in”

Some people get wasted because they are not socially-efficient and being drunk lowers their inhibitions. You’re winging tonight: Be a man and get over your fears. Getting wasted and crab walking across the dance floor makes your sober friend look like a douche. If he’s going to look stupid, let him make himself look stupid; don’t do it for him by showing he has bad taste in friends.

Being attention-starved is for women, not for wings.

Maybe on a given night, your friend is getting more attention than you are from the ladies. It’s a particular crowd and you just need to fill your role and help your friend get over with the ladies. In no way do you attempt to overshadow your friend by trying to show off or by getting ridiculously wasted (wingman rule #2) and making a fool of yourself. It’s about your buddy tonight, not you.

Have a plan of attack if your friend gets lucky

The end-game in nightgame pickup 101 is leaving location to bed your woman of interest. If you were a good wingman and your pilot was on his game (and very lucky), he might be going back to his/her place with his target. If you two came together, which is usually a no-no (I talk about it in the book), you might be stuck taking public transportation or bumming a ride with a friend, which might piss you off to some extent, but…

Don’t be bitter if your friend gets some and you don’t

You should always be happy for a friend who meets a new woman, even if you didn’t have similar luck. Every night isn’t a good night for everyone. There have been nights I have went out with friends and got absolutely no play while my friends got all the attention. It happens. Just bide your time and support your buddy. Your time will come.

1. It happened to a friend of mine; true story. [↩]
2. Well, I hope not, but some men are psychos. [↩]

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