As a man, we tend to have a strange value-to-happiness system, mostly based on what we don’t possess.

If you don’t bed a lot of women, you assume sleeping with more women will make you happy. If you aspire to make more money, you won’t be happy until you make more money. If you’re aching for the Los Angeles Clippers to win the NBA Championship, you will be a miserable mope until the day that happens¹.

The second you get what you want and savor it for that brief moment in time, you get insatiable again; you want something else. Due to some flaw in human reasoning, we continue to be unhappy because we have no sense of appreciation.

A while ago, I began reading what other bloggers thought in regard to happiness², and I think it reframed my views on the topic, so this is what I’ve concluded:

People are generally miserable because they focus too much on the extravagant and the unattainable, so, simply by default, by being a slight bit more complacent with life and what you have, you may become happier than you could ever imagine.

You could learn a lot about happiness from Harold and Kumar

We’re all about instant gratification. We want everything right here, right now, with no excuses. You want a ham sandwich, you go get a ham sandwich. After you eat the sandwich, you don’t even feel fulfilled, because there was no challenge to it.

I found a great example of this in the cult classic, “Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle”.

Harold and Kumar go through an entire journey of twists and turns, all in going to get some White Castle food. If they had just gotten the White Castle when they originally went to get it, they would have eaten it, shit it out, and went about their business³. The struggle is what defined the food; the eating of the food meant little-to-nothing by the end of the movie. The joy in the food wasn’t the food, it was in the progress made to get it.

To some extent, men need to be more like Harold and Kumar.

Excess and the impossible equal happiness?

America features a consumption-based society where everything is in excess: large portion, super-sized, jumbo packs of shit we really don’t need to survive. We lease what we can’t afford, get gym memberships we rarely use, and have expectations we’ll never meet; not due to lack of effort, but due to lack of realism.

The differences in this philosophy vary by gender, though both attend to improving social status. For example:

Note: Before I continue, just know that these are just examples. I’m not assuming all women are material and all men are losers trying to be with attractive women; just a good number of them.

• Woman A want a Prada purse, but it costs $500. She makes about that a week plus has other expenses, but just wants the purse so she can wear it around other women who have Prada purses. The $20 purse in the Forever 21 clearance section is a lot nicer and a lot more affordable, but no one is going to assume anything about her if she buys the nicer, yet less known Forever 21 purse.
• Man A is friends with Woman B but wants to be her boyfriend. Woman B is a 10 in looks; her physical cannot be questioned. Unfortunately, Woman B is also completely nuts. Man A and Woman B have little in common and there is no real sexual chemistry between the two. When Man B asks Man A why he wants to date a woman so incompatible, Man A stumbles in his thoughts a bit and then responds, “She’s so hot!!”

While female satiation can usually be attributed to material, consumer-driven goods that raise the ire of other women, a man looks for happiness in personal accomplishment, even if it is the most vain personal accomplishment he could possibly think of.

Here’s the point I’m trying to make…

While I cannot speak for a woman’s empty nature, men need to learn the following in order to be happy.

• Sex is a temporary high. Getting laid on its own will never make you truly happy.
• Life doesn’t begin and end with a sports franchise. I love the Philadelphia Eagles more than my mother⁴, but if they blow their season⁵, it doesn’t mean that I should be miserable. You have no influence over if a team wins or loses, so being happy or sad about their outcomes is irrational.
• Being miserable because you’re fat is absurd; you can always lose weight. Being miserable because you’re fat and ugly is absurd as well; you can always lose weight, get a haircut, get some surgery, and dress differently. Being miserable because you’re fat, ugly, and stupid is… well, justified. You don’t want to be fat, ugly, and stupid; it’s a hard combination to get past.

Evolve in life. Feel something. Find something you’re addicted to; get rid of it. Take your negative thoughts; get rid of them. Stop being so demanding. Learn to enjoy things that just come with living and let go of what controls you; you’ll be happier that way.

1. Based on my approximation, my lowly Knicks will win the title before the Clippers ever will, just so you know. [↩]
2. Leo from Zen Habits was probably the most influential. [↩]
3. Plus, that would have been the worst movie ever created. [↩]
4. … between the months of September and February. [↩]
5. … which tends to happen every season [↩]