I heard this enjoyable voicemail message originally on youTube, but giving youTube credit nowadays is unnecessary, since they probably host 90 percent of the videos displayed on the internet. I found this particular version on Viddler.com.

Before we continue, here is the back story to Dimitri and Olga’s “romance”: Dimitri met Olga outside the San Francisco Marina and she gave him her business card with instructions to call him.

Now that you know the reason for his calls, listen to Dimitri’s voicemails left for the “elegant” Olga:

If you can view them, take note of the little comments left by Viddler members during the video; some of them are actually hysterical.

As a student of “pickup artistry”¹, you are supposed to take on particular persona in order to achieve results with women. Many mimic their persona after Casanova or James Bond or some other type of masculine figure, but end up usually embarrassing themselves to an inordinate amount. Dimitri’s persona, now scattered throughout the internet, is ultimately the best case of “What Not to Do” when it comes to calling a woman after getting her number.

Dimitri’s voicemails are comical for many apparent reasons, mostly due to his dreadfully high opinion of himself. Without this unreal abundance in confidence, there is no joke; the guy seriously thinks he is the best thing to ever happen to Olga.

In list form, here are some of Dimitri’s many gems:

• His many assumptions
• Her friends were jealous due to his approach.
• She was obviously very taken back by his approach as well.
• His spooky qualities
• He knows he is calling a land-line?
• He barely knows her, yet seems to know her work schedule.
• His pronunciation of “assume”
• His strict time deadlines
• He doesn’t play “that game”.
• His accolades
• He’s working on a movie script.
• He has no trouble meeting women²
• He’s very intelligent.
• He makes great money.
• Most importantly, he is great in bed.
• He’s a catch!
• His illustrious back-story
• He’s Greek, thus, he is particular about what he likes.
• He’s been single 4 months!
• He just got out of a long-distance relationship.
• His knowledge of social disorders
• “It’s extremely passive-aggressive. You should actually look that up!”³
• She might have had a traumatic childhood.
• She may have an issue with anxiety.
• She may be on medication.

Hours upon hours of jokes aside, this voicemail message is likely the worst attempt at being a “pickup artist” I have or will ever hear. Not only does this guy come across as an asshole via his overwhelming braggadocio, he cements his legacy by insulting the woman, which is one of the foremost rules about meeting and picking up women; the guy does the whole industry a complete injustice, especially if, as noted below, he is a semi-renowned teacher in the field.

Although slightly slanted, since I do kind of despise all of those “pickup gurus”, this voicemail demonstrates everything that is wrong with that industry to begin with: Men with social shortcomings learning from manipulative clown shoes with even more social shortcomings about how to pickup women when the teachers of this “art” were barely getting laid before their “revival”, and even after learning all of the “tricks of the trade”, these “pickup artists” still don’t get a lot of ass; they just talk a good game and make out with inebriated co-eds at dive bars.⁴

If you’re learning how to be better with women, don’t waste $2000 at a silly seminar; just listen to that voicemail a few times and, while keeping some level of confidence, do the exact opposite of Dimitri. Be succinct, be charming, be clever, but most important of all, don’t be a complete dick.

Note: I did some research on the douche who left the voicemail and I found out he is actually considered to be a “pickup artist”, which is not very preposterous if you know that industry and the spooks that partake it in well enough. In addition, his real name is James Sears and he is from the Toronto area.

The following are links to articles about him:

• Toronto’s Seduction Guru?
• His history of sexual assault
• Portrait of a Pickup Artist
• His official website

1. I hate that phrase with a passion, but there isn’t better terminology I can think of at this moment. [↩]
2. They hit on him 6 or 7 times a day. [↩]
3. By far the greatest quote during the entire four minutes of verbal diarrhea. [↩]
4. Wow! Way too many quotation marks for one paragraph. I apologize. [↩]

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