Most men go to a strip club at least once in their lifetimes. Some go weekly, some go monthly, and some pathetic souls go to strip clubs at the same rate they go to their supermarket to pick up food. Whatever the case, there is a list of unwritten rules to follow in order to properly patronize one of these establishments.

Going to a strip club is a cherished aspect of being a man. Seeing bare tits in a drunken stupor is a rite-of-passage of masculinity, and for some men, a weekly habit, so knowing the code of honor in this forsaken establishment is essential.

Just because a woman is a stripper doesn’t mean she’ll have sex with you for money

Strippers aren’t prostitutes; prostitutes are prostitutes. Just because a woman takes her clothes off for a living to entertain men doesn’t mean she will take it to the next step and sexually satiate you for money.

If you’re getting a private dance, never offer the dancer money for “extra services”. If she offers something, you can do whatever you want (within legal limits, of course), but until that time, keep your dick where it should be: hard, and in your pants.

Don’t ask a stripper on a date in the future

Strippers are paid to be friendly with patrons. Just because a stripper is nice to you doesn’t mean she wants to be your girlfriend.

Look at it from a wider perspective: Would you really want to date a woman who gives nude erotic dances to dozens of men a week?

Do not get unreasonably drunk

You’re already seeing nude women dance around you; that should be something worth experiencing sober. No one wants to see a drunk guy shouting and dancing around a strip club.

Save the dancing for the strippers.

If you’re not tipping, don’t sit right near the stage.

Save the good seats for men who actually want to contribute to the stripper’s “college” fund. These women are providing entertainment, so if you’re not willing to plop a few bucks onto the stage, sit in the background like a cheap ass.

Well, that or sit near the stage until a bouncer beats your ass and throws you out for being a cheapskate.

Dress appropriately

Just because the women are wearing close-to-nothing doesn’t mean you should dress like a slob. Some strip clubs have dress codes; follow them. If in doubt, a decent shirt and jeans should be just fine.

Do not touch the women

At a strip club, your hands should stay on your drink, on your table, or in your pocket. There are usually rules posted somewhere in the club telling you to never touch a dancer unless you want a bouncer’s fist to touch your face.

Even during a private lap dance, your hands should not touch the dancer; keep them to your side. The girl is already grinding on your hard-on; you’ve gotten what you paid for. No extra touching is needed.

Keep all negative comments in your head

These women have an occupation that is often criticized; they don’t need your opinions about how much a “slut” they are because they won’t fulfill a sick desire you have. Save those desires and negative comments for prostitutes!